Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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