Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
