I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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