So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
