"it" just moved
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
