She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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