Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
