If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We got so high we made milksteak
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
