I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can I color on your dick again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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