he thought i was a dude.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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