I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
birth control should be required to get into college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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