forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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