You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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