im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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