If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
