Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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