She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
