allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I want is dick and wine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
