plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
