I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
