Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
