I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's just like the Real World with babies
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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