i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
