I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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