i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
