We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
