I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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