i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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