Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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