Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
