You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We talked him into tasing himself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
