it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
