you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
