She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
