I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
