Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize