every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
