i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
