Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
