i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
