Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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