He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
