if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
