i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
