he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
