Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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