i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
