Im at strip club and am horny
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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