I think my vagina is haunted
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
