apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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