I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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