So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
