She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
