Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
