he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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