Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
