I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
