can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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