The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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