false alarm. still invincible.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize