My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize