I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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