Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sarcasm needs its own font
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
