I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
