I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
