i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
