If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
