I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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