I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
