theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
