I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
do nipples grow back?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
