I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had sex on a roof
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
