Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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