If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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