her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
