hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
