please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize