And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
