Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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