Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
