i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
