Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you didnt know i had herpes?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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