I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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