So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
