somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
